Creative Corner: Panic
I’m falling, spinning wildly out of control.
I don’t understand; I was firmly rooted mere seconds ago.
How did something so small knock my feet out from under me, causing me to begin this terrifying plummet?
Just hours before this I was so smug, so self-righteous, so pleased that I had it all figured out.
Obviously, I didn’t.
For a brief moment I felt like I was in control. That was my sin—my arrogance.
The first minute I was tested I instantly spiraled, all my pride and comfort suddenly meaning absolutely nothing.
So here I sit, my body not listening to my commands, my brain refusing to quiet as I sob and gasp.
And I cry out, “God, why? I thought we were in a good place; I thought we had an understanding.”
But WE didn’t. It was all me. It was just me feeling like I could navigate anything thrown at me all on my own.
I was wrong.
I was so totally, entirely wrong.
As I admit this and begin to surrender, the words of life and peace start whispering in my mind.
“You are not alone. Here, take my hand, use my strength where yours has failed. Let me hold you.”
And now that the panic has passed, His peace gently takes hold.
I am still broken, I am still not in control, but now that’s okay. That’s where I should be.
Moving forward is too hard for me, so I’ll let Him move me.
I’ll surrender myself and allow Him to guide my feet where they need to go, focusing instead on the quiet voice breathing love and life into my soul.
I am not alone. I am not in control.
I am no longer falling—I’m being gently lowered.
And soon He’ll lift me, placing me back on the path He has for me.
Thank you, God, for allowing me to break, and for being right there beside me, ready to pick up the pieces and make me into something more beautiful for your glory.